Twofer Two, Two Two, Two Tuesday: Daily Doubles for 2/22/22

February 22, 2022February 22, 20224 Comments

two large round dormatories — Twin towers / double dormatories. Two times the fun on 2/22/22. Oakland

On the day the photo was taken—the burning sun high in a cloudless sky, light shimmering in the sweltering heat—twin pointed peaks glimmer on a horizon of mysterious black obelisks. In the haze of midsummer’s full, drenching humidity, it seems we must have been transported thousands of miles away and centuries back in time.

Of course, what’s really going here is far more prosaic. The vision of Egypt’s great pyramids is but a wishful hallucination in the blur of summer sun and the deceitful dual sheet metal roofline of General Tire Service’s big building on Smallman Street.

Double diamonds. The great pyramids of General Tire Service, Strip District

On this of all days, however—February twenty-two, twenty twenty-two (2/22/22)—the photograph takes on new life as a daily double. It’s not alone, this twofer, this double from another rubble: a couple memorialized in a ceramic grave photograph, two stencils of a cartoonish astronaut flashing us the OK sign, a pair of broken plastic Christmas candles left out as a matching set for someone … who doesn’t know it yet, but they’ve arrived at their daily double.

two lawn ornament geese dressed in Christmas costumes — The double gooses of 46th Street. Lawrenceville

The double gooses (not “geese”) of 46th Street have long donned their gay apparel—for Christmas, yes, but other prominent holidays too. On this day, however, what great fortune—as if God herself was dealing Jacks or better on a blanket by the stairs—to locate a second double goose up on Penn Avenue just as we’re headed to press. These (plastic) feathered fellows have already gone green in anticipation of St. Patrick’s Day (we assume?), but the camo Army fatigues suggest they may be doing double-duty (ha!) serving up through Memorial Day, too.

pair of goose lawn ornaments decorated green St. Patrick's Day attire and Army fatigues — Entirely different double gooses of Penn Ave. (Yes, that’s *double* double gooses.) Lawrenceville

However you celebrate this very literal once in a lifetime occurrence of numerological planets in alignment, know that while a couple may give you trouble and twins may do you in, there’s still time to double down on a second chance. Don’t think twice, it’s alright.

ceramic photo inset from grave marker — Double portrait. The Riccitellos, Beaver Cemetery

repeated stencil of astronaut making "OK" hand sign — Double OK astronaut. Strip District

Russian orthodox church with two green onion domes — Double onion dome. Charleroi

sign on utility pole with arrows pointing to "Dirty Slag" and "Dirty Limestone" — Double dirty. Skunk Hollow

Two 2-car garages built together — Double two-car garage. Arlington

two ventriloquist dummies, both with sad facial expressions — Double sadness

pair of windows, each with a large Santa head — Double Santa. Lawrenceville

Christmas window decoration of two silver reindeer with red and green ornaments — Double reindeer. Lawrenceville

pair of broken plastic decorative Christmas candles — Double Christmas candle. Lawrenceville

window decorated with two Krampus ornaments — Double Krampus. Lawrenceville

pair of window flower boxes, each with a decorative grave marker — Double flower box burial. Lawrenceville

window decorated with two pictures of Frankenstein and message "Remeber to Love" — Double Frankenstein. Lawrenceville

large house with two front doors — In Pittsburgh, it’s a double-house (*not* duplex!) Hazelwood

directional arrow on asphalt layered with a second arrow on top — Double arrow. Monaca

street art of traffic cones with Campbell's Soup background and floating eyeballs — Double Warhol eye cones. Strip District

storefront with two mannequins wearing full-body hazard suits — Double danger. Arnold

pair of footprints embedded in concrete sidewalk — Double footprints. Monessen

glass block bar window with painted image of two beer glasses — Double convivial. Coraopolis

hand-written sign on door reading "Turn both knobs at the same time!!!" — No snickering! Double doorknobs. Carrick

pair of anti-Trump posters — Double dunce. Wilkinsburg

Chromos Eyewear sign of a large pair of glasses, with the Pittsburgh skyline in each lens — Double vision / double Downtown. Chromos Eyewear, Lawrenceville

P.S. Not enough doubles for you? Well, you’re in luck. Over at the Portland Orbit they’ve got their own take on this mother of all Twofer Tuesdays. Yes: that’s double the double-takes!

Love Anarchically: Valentine’s Day Hearts, 2022

February 13, 20221 Comment

Halloween jack-o-lantern carved with large heart — Love: you can’t always see your way through it, but sometimes there’s a fire that burns bright. Lawrenceville

Love, noted relationship counselor Patricia Benatar once informed us, is a battlefield. It’s a powerful metaphor whose cuts-to-the-bone directness is no doubt part of her 1983 chart-topping song’s lasting appeal. Other pop music pseudo-therapists have broken the news that Love Hurts and Love Scars, Love Bites and yes, Love Stinks.

These sentiments may or may not reflect each of our individual experiences but we know it can get wilder than even this. Sometimes love is pure anarchy.

graffiti heart with large letter "A" painted on concrete steps — Love isn’t always a battlefield—sometimes it’s anarchy. Polish Hill

The red heart spans three concrete treads of the Downing Street steps in Polish Hill. Its black outline is pretzel-curved into the verticals of a capital letter A. Sure, this may be a vigilante Valentine left for (or from?) an Anna or André, Alex or Audrey, but it sure resembles the circle-A symbol would-be anarchists leave all over the place. Perhaps not coincidentally, that call-to-arms also often shows up spray-painted on public infrastructure.

The anarchy heart image is not alone. Looking through this year’s street Valentines, a certain theme emerges—not of the joy and perhaps unrealistic Hallmark special expectations of love—but rather, as a certain Bunnyman called it, The Back of Love.

Valentine's Day heart decoration on front porch with caution tape — Love: proceed with caution. Etna

Big red hearts aglow against caution tape; hearts chaotically strewn across back alley walls; crumpled hearts in derelict windows. These—and plenty more where they came from—all seem to say, Yeah, love is out there, but be careful, buddy. Here, that advice is gifted to us from Pittsburgh’s Krylon Cupids, available wherever people take out the trash and tack tin cans to telephone poles. This year it’s more true than ever.

wall with much graffiti including large red heart — Sometimes love doesn’t quite know what’s going on. Bloomfield

That said, even without the pressures of a global coronavirus pandemic it’s always that kind of year when it comes to affaires d’amour. (That’s French for the love thing.)

So whether you’re in love, all out of love, or you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whether love is like oxygen or love is the drug—heck, even if you give love a bad name—this Valentine’s Day, know that you’re not alone. There are lots of folks out there who are experiencing the same exact thing and it cut them deep enough to spray paint that feeling on some city steps.

Keep on, everyone, and happy Valentine’s Day.

homemade heart decoration in front window of house — Love ain’t always perfect, but we keep trying. Lincoln-Lemington

decorative skeleton wrapped in Christmas garland with Valentine's Day hearts — Love: it’s a killer. Etna

painting on abandoned building of woman with afro, green snake, and glowing yellow heart — If you’re falling in love, watch your asp. Garfield

side of house decorated with both Valentine's Day hearts and black bats — It’s great, but love is spooky too. Etna

mural of realistic human heart over stylized mountains — Your heart may float like a balloon, but watch out for those dangerous peaks. Lawrenceville

tin can lid painted with red hearts and figure on bicycle — Tin can pole (he)art. Garfield

large mural of many hands around a multicolored heart — Sometimes love takes a village and a helping hand. Strip District

heart painted on wooden fence slat — Good love can heal pain and peel paint. Uptown

sidewalk chalk drawing of a heart and a snail — Love can be slow … and messy. Sharpsburg

graffiti heart painted blue and red — There are no red hearts and there are no blue hearts—there are only American hearts! … and hearts from other places. Lawrenceville

fence with heart-shaped cutout in wooden slats — Sometimes we’ve got a heart-shaped hole in us. Lawrenceville

wheatpaste street art of heart-shaped face with Xs over eyes — Big heart, dead eyes, can’t lose. Greensburg

street art sticker in shape of heart with word "Crone" — Love is for us old people, too. Lawrenceville

wheatpaste street art on dumpster of heart-shaped face with Xs over eyes — Sometimes love can get you down in the dumpster. Garfield

truck trailer with graffiti heart and word "Luv" — You can’t fabricate luv. Bloomfield

graffiti heart with name Paul painted on cinderblock wall — Paul may be gone, but he’s still in our heart. Lawrenceville

pair of cardboard hearts attached to utility pole — You can’t break a cardboard heart, but it may just get blown away. Garfield

shiny heart decoration attached to utility pole — Love may look great on the outside, but there’s often duct tape holding it together. Lawrenceville

cinderblock wall painted with many small hearts — Maybe there’s love right around the corner. Strip District

mural of flowers and words "with Love" — Happy Valentine’s Day, with Love, from us to you

No Dogs Wasted Here: Dog Police, Part Deux Deux

February 6, 20224 Comments

no dog poop message spray painted on wood covering garage door — Think of the children! *No dog poop. Kids walk to school here.* A warning message from The Dog Police, on patrol in Wilmerding

Stuck to the aluminum siding of a little house up the hill in Millvale, a set of peel-and-stick letters spells out a curious message: No dogs wasted here.

Is this a rehab clinic for hooched pooches? An embetterment program for down-on-their luck pups? A recycling center for man’s-best-friends at their wits-last-ends?

sticker letters on siding reading "no dogs wasted here" — *No dogs wasted here.* Millvale

Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous! Diligent Orbit staff know when The Dog Police are on patrol, keeping the streets, alleys, and—especially—residential trash receptacles safe from the terror of incoming canine caca. Foreign or domestic, but always unwanted, Fido’s doo-doo and Scout’s dishonor are a deeply divisive feature of the pedestrian experience.

Having neither a mutt to strut nor publicly-available trash can, your author—excuse the expression—doesn’t have a dog in this fight, so we’re but mere spectators from the cheap seats as the daily doggo drama plays itself out just about everywhere.

hand-written signs on garbage can to stop putting dog shit in cans — *Stop asshole no shit in my cans / Dont put your dogs *shit* in my* *cans.* Lawrenceville

What’s the right thing to do?

The responsible pet-owner takes their furry friends out for daily constitutionals, lets them sniff all the fire hydrants and boxwood hedges they care to, and picks up the droppings inevitably jettisoned from their mutts’ butts right there on the sidewalks and grassy patches along the way. Do we expect the human companions to carry the scat sachet all the way home? Or are public/city trash cans an acceptable end point for the excrement?

Alternately, the home owner doesn’t want to deal with that (quite literal) crap—either on the sidewalk or in their street-facing waste bins. It doesn’t make a lot of sense—it’s just trash, right?—but people feel a sense of violation when anyone uses their bins, and when that trash is dog shit—that’s where it gets ugly—and smelly.

hand-written sign on utility pole saying "Pick up after your pups poops" — *Pick up after your pups poops.* Dravosburg

Like certain other ages-old, inconsolable rifts, it’s unlikely the poop-scoop-and-scoot crowd will ever reach a peaceful accord with the all-volunteer dog police, but we can dream.

Until then, please curb your dog, no peeing on the plants, use the trash can across the street, and make sure none of your possessives or contractions include apostrophes.